A broken marriage does not happen suddenly; it begins slowly with things like:
Difficult conversations (or no conversations), unresolved disputes, feeling like you don’t hear one another, etc.
Then, eventually, you wake up one morning and see that you’re not really fighting anymore, but at the same time, you’re not “together” either and your silence has become worse than any fight you’ve ever had.
Now, you find yourself asking yourself this question: “Is there any way to fix this?”
This is a very hard question to answer. However, if both partners are willing to put forth an effort to save their marriage, then the answer is yes.
A marriage may be broken, but that is not necessarily the end of a couple’s relationship. Rather, a broken marriage indicates that the couple has an issue needing to be addressed, healed and changed.
Many couples go through periods when they feel disconnected, conflictual or emotionally distant from each other. The good news is that through consistent effort, open and honest communication and a willingness to work together, couples can work to restore their relationship.
12 Effective Marriage Tips to Repair a Struggling Relationship
1) Communicate Honestly
In any good marriage, communication is essential to keep the relationship solid, even while being broken. It’s not just about being able to share how you feel but actively listening to what your partner has said without interrupting or judging them.
Through honest dialogue, you will discover and express hidden feelings and thoughts and clarify any misunderstandings that may be causing you to feel distant from one another.
Use a calm and respectful tone
Avoid blame or accusations
Practice active listening
Choose the right time to talk
2) Rebuild Trust Slowly
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Trust is very fragile and once you have damaged it, it will take time and consistency to re-establish that trust with your partner. Instead of just relying on promises from each other to keep your marriage strong, demonstrate your honesty and commitment to one another by performing small, consistent and reliable actions.
Through time, your repeated, consistent actions will start to rebuild emotional safety for both of you and reduce the sense of insecurity that both of you may be feeling. You must have patience because it takes a long time for trust to develop through continuous positive actions and behaviors.
Taking responsibility for your actions shows your maturity emotionally and that you care about your partner. A sincere apology can help alleviate tension in the relationship and create a healing environment.
Do not attempt to defend your actions or blame your partner for your actions instead, try to understand how your behavior has impacted them. Acceptance of the mistakes you’ve each made in your relationship is important in rebuilding emotional connection and respect within the relationship.
Apologize sincerely
Avoid making excuses
Acknowledge your partner’s pain
Show willingness to change
4) Focus on What Still Works
Every relationship, no matter how difficult, will have some positive aspects to be grateful for. By concentrating on the positive aspects or what still works in your marriage, you will have hope that there is still some balance in your marriage.
Reflecting on all of the good times you’ve both had in the relationship and being thankful for your partner will help to lessen the number of negative feelings you both may be experiencing. With this mindset, you will have a strong foundation to rebuild your emotional intimacy.
Recall happy memories
Appreciate small efforts
Focus on strengths
Avoid constant negativity
5) Address Root Problems
The majority of disputes stem from deeper feelings or needs that aren’t being met; therefore, by ignoring these underlying feelings and needs, we will continue to have the same arguments and re-experience the same frustrations.
By understanding the “why” of an issue, you can work to create a viable solution. You must address the “root” of the issue so that changes can take place over the longer term.
Identify recurring patterns
Discuss deeper feelings
Understand unmet needs
Work on long-term solutions
6) Spend Quality Time Together
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Developing a connection takes time and effort and you will need to devote time to spending with each other without interruptions. Memories and experiences will allow you to become closer and feel comfortable around each other again.
Even simple activities such as going for a walk, talking to each other or cooking dinner together can help develop your relationship. Therefore, the importance of consistently spending time with each other outweighs any large gestures of kindness.
Plan a regular date
Do activities together
Avoid phone distractions
Focus on meaningful interaction
7) Show Appreciation Daily
It is essential to feel valued and appreciated as a major characteristic in any relationship. Expressing a simple act of appreciation can have an enormous impact on one’s partner’s emotions as a result.
Regularly expressing appreciation of one another acts as an antidote to negative emotions, establishes positive emotionality and provides a foundation for developing mutual respect and love over time.
Say thank you often
Notice small efforts
Give compliments
Express gratitude daily
8) Give Each Other Space
Occasionally, couples must establish “space” between them in order to process their feelings and avoid future conflict so they may reflect upon the issues, calm themselves and find clarity.
Space is not distance, it is a way to help couples repeat their personal value system with one another over time when providing couples with the necessary space for personal growth and emotional balance.
Respect personal boundaries
Avoid forcing conversations
Use time to reflect
Reconnect after cooling down
9) Be Patient With the Process
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Rebuilding a broken relationship is not something that happens overnight. There will be peaks and valleys. Progress may seem slow at times, but with the proper amount of patience.
It will help you to remain committed even through the tough periods in your marriage. Continuing to put in consistent effort over time will create a significant amount of change.
Accept slow progress
Stay consistent
Don’t expect perfection
Keep long-term focus
10) Work as a Team, Not Opponents
A marriage should never be viewed as a competition. Instead of trying to prove you are right in the argument, focus on finding solutions together as a team.
When you work as a team, trust is built and conflict decreases. When both partners have one another’s backs, they will ultimately strengthen their bond.
Think “we,” not “me vs you”
Avoid blame language
Support each other
Focus on solutions
11) Rebuild Emotional & Physical Intimacy
Re-establishing intimacy is an important part of reconnecting with your partner both emotionally and physically. Rebuilding intimacy starts with small gestures such as touching, looking in one another’s eyes and showing affection to one another.
Building emotional intimacy will create trust and bonding between both partners, while maintaining a physical connection will help to create an even stronger bond between partners. Both emotional and physical intimacy are a must in order to have a healthy relationship.
Show affection regularly
Maintain eye contact
Be emotionally available
Spend time connecting
12) Seek Professional Help if Needed
There may be times when an issue is so complex that it requires the assistance of a professional, such as a therapist. A therapist can provide guidance, support and an unbiased perspective.
The benefits of therapy include enhancing communication and resolving complicated conflicts. Participating in therapy is a courageous act. It does not mean you are weak.
Consider couples therapy
Stay open to advice
Work on feedback
Commit to improvement
Final Thoughts
To heal a marriage requires work by both people involved. You must be willing and both of you want to grow, to comprehend one another and, of course, to give it another shot.
With enough time, support from each other and continuous/ongoing communication, any two damaged individuals can eventually be able to reach the point where they have created an even better relationship than they originally had.
