120+ Funny Wedding Vows: Make Your Guests Smile Will Never Forget

funny wedding vows

Every couple wishes to host a wedding that is filled with love, laughter, and joy. Nevertheless, the ceremony can be an incredibly nerve-wracking experience for a lot of couples.

There are innumerable ways you can add a fun element to your wedding. And one of the ways to do so is to sprinkle some comedy by adding some funny wedding vows.

Funny wedding vows are an excellent way to show a little individuality, reduce the anxiety that comes with such an important event, and, most importantly, have a good time throughout the celebration.

Short Funny Wedding Vows for Him and Her

Here is our list of the best funny wedding vows that you can consider incorporating into your wedding vows:

1. “I promise to be with you always, in sickness and in health, regardless of the treacherous situations I place you in!”

2. “I promise to replenish the toilet paper that you are almost certainly not going to replenish. I mean, how difficult can it be?”

3.  “I swear to love and respect you but not to obey you since it would be a bit scary.”

4. “I promise to take up all of your strange behaviors, even when you eat peanut butter straight out of the jar.” 

5. “This is a lot of pressure, huh? I had best not screw this up—I’ll take you… what was your name again?”

6. “On our journey through life, I promise to be your co-pilot, your navigator, and to bring refreshments.”

7. “We look perfect. What was everyone geared up for?”

8. “I pledge not to watch the next episode of Game of Thrones alone.”

9. “I promise to always allow you to take the first taste of anything I’m drinking.”

unique funny wedding vows

10. “I vow to let them have ice cream for dinner when they’re older because I genuinely want my future children to like me more.”

11. “I promise that I won’t take any of the covers.”

12. “In the event that our future offspring attempt to gang up on us, I promise to support you.”

13. “I promise not to finish a Netflix series we began jointly without you. Or at least pretend I’m watching it for the first time when we watch it again.”

14. “By the old gods and the new, I love you.”

15. “I swear that you will be as significant to me as chocolate, coffee, and every episode of Sex and the City combined.”

16. “I adore you as much as the musical Cats. Now and eternally.”

17. “I promise to leave the room if you and my mother have a disagreement over any issue.”

18. “I can’t stop thinking about the opening of UP…is that a problem?”

Also Read: 14 Traditional Wedding Vows for Various Religion

19. “I vow to agree that you really are the best driver on the road and that you always know exactly where you’re going.”

20. “I promise that I will never compel you to watch a Gilmore Girls marathon with me.”

21. “I promise to adore you despite the fact that you’re flipping through all of those movies without selecting one to watch.”

 short funny wedding vows

22. “The hours you spend playing video games will go unnoticed by me because I will be too busy scrolling through my Facebook account.”

23. “When you talk during a playoff game, I swear to love, honor, and ignore almost anything you say.”

24. “I swear to love you through Ikea, whether we are purchasing or assembling furniture there.”

25. “I pledge not to intentionally turn on the light, open the curtains, or make noise when you have a hangover.”

26. “I promise I will never stop bringing up the argument that the two of us had a few years ago in order to make sure that you do not forget about it.”

27. “My goal for our Honeymoon is to spend no more than two hours a day on Instagram sharing our wedding photos.”

28. “Every time our union outlives one of our friends’, I now promise to give you a high five.”

29. “I pledge not to keep track because I always win.”

30. “I vow to pay attention while you’re talking to me about sports, beer, or anything else, and not just stare at my phone while replying, ‘Hmm, yes, dear'”

31. “I vow never to forget the past issues in between – Oh, Sorry! Not to bring them in between.”

32. “I’ll unclog the bathtub, even if you’re the only one with long hair.”

33. “I promise that for as long as both of us shall live, I will not use all of the hot water, I will share the blankets, I will keep the supply of toilet paper replenished, and I will do as many dishes as I can, so bless me, God.”

34. “I promise almost always to notice when you’ve had a haircut.”

35. “I love you, trousers or no pants.”

36. “When I say ‘I do,’ I’m not referring to the dishes.”

37. “During the offseason, I promise to love and honor.”

38. “I vow not to complain about spending the weekend with your folks.”

39. “I promise to adore you even when you mindlessly scroll through Netflix without ever selecting anything to watch.”

short funny wedding vows

40. “Keeping score is futile in this marriage because I’m always the one who comes out on top.”

41. “I promise to genuinely laugh at all of your jokes, regardless of how stupid or horribly they are told. I adore you so much.”

42. “I pledge always to respect your musical preferences while you are driving. However, if you are not driving…”

43. “I vow I will never complain about your friends, even when they’re motor mouths.”

44. “I promise not to consume the first swig of your beverage before handing it to you.”

45. “I vow that I will open jars for you while acting as though you did it yourself, despite the fact that we are both aware that it was my macho muscles that did it.”

46. “I promise to wash and fold your jeans every week.”

47. “This ring represents how you have me wrapped around your finger.”

48. “I love your stupid face and promise to tolerate whatever you can hurl at me if you believe you can tolerate my mess.”

49. “I vow to be by your side throughout the horror movie you’ll watch.”

Also See: — Guide of Catholic Wedding Vows – The Exchange of Consent

50. “Just one thing to tell you that you’re lucky to have me.”

51. “I am absolutely deserving, and you’re lucky.”

52. “I adore you through time and space relative dimensions.”

53. “I take you to be my legitimate husband, through sickness and health, until death or until you become a zombie. Because then we will need to begin seeing other individuals.”

Funny Wedding Vows To Husband

54. “I accept you, (oh, what’s your name) to be my abominable wedded wife, to have and to scold, from this day forward for better but not worse, for wealthier, sans poorer, forget sickness only in health, to despise and cherish, till mysterious death separates us.”

55. “I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and every fiber of my being… and I was thinking—maybe we should be married.”

56. “I promise that I will set up automatic payments for all of our expenses so that we can stop fighting over it.”

57. “As soon as the appetizers are brought out, I solemnly swear that I will update all of my social media profiles with the status “married.”

58. “I vow to get through this part of the ceremony as quickly as possible, so I can dig into that prime rib.”

59. “I vow to like the Harry Potter series as much as you do, irrespective of the fact that I don’t like it at all.”

60. “You can count on me to laugh at your jokes since I am always on your side.”

61. “I promise that I will laugh at all of your jokes, even if I am the only one in the room.”

62. “If you don’t mind, I’ll keep my mouth shut about your buying habits.”

63. “I promise that I will find a way to make it through this ordeal without resorting to ugly crying. I really hope I can hang onto that one!”

funny wedding vows for him

64. “I promise that I will always give you the last blueberry pancake.”

65. “I vow to have a glass of wine with you as we cry over the challenges of parenthood.”

66. “I promise that I will always pause the TV when you want to talk through the entirety of the full show.”

67. “I promise to take care of the dog’s needs in the middle of the night in exchange for your peace of mind.”

68. “As long as I breathe, laugh, and cry with you, I promise never to let you go.”

69. “I swear to tell everyone how wonderful your mother is, even while I confess to you privately that she’s a complete nutjob. Totally out of control.”

70. “I promise you that I will try to like your pet. He’s always giving me the stink eye, that little fluffy jerk.”

71. “In the next 30 seconds, people will start asking about our future children, and I swear to give it my all when it comes to raising them.”

72. “I swear to chuckle at every Star Wars reference you make.”

73. “We’ll never let our children do something like that, and I’ll live to taste those words.”

Funny Wedding Vows

74. “I promise to keep my craziness under control even when I am unable to.”

75. “In spite of your wrinkles and lack of hair dye, I swear to love and honor you.”

76. “Make sure you get the perfect shot; I’ll snap as many photos as it takes before I publish anything to Instagram.”

77. “You, our children, our dog, and I will always be in my heart. Please don’t inquire as to the order in which these things will occur.”

78. “My new year’s resolution is to wash my dishes as soon as possible rather than leave them in the sink to soak.”

79. “I swear that I will point the finger at you whenever I bail on our plans. Simply because I have an overwhelming desire to travel!”

Also Read: How to Write a Perfect Wedding Vows

80. “I promise that I will replace the toilet paper even though it is highly possible that you will never refill it again.”

81. “I vow to promptly wash all the dishes in order to avoid having to clean so many the next day,”

82. “I promise to keep my mouth shut if we receive yet another Amazon package.”

83. “Even if you think your situation is ridiculous, I guarantee to give it my whole attention.”

84. “I promise that I will never hog the DVR with My Game of Thrones recordings.”

85. “I promise to listen to your stuff even during the annual Fantasy Football.”

86. “I promise I will never try my cooking experiments with you.”

87. “I promise that I will never ask you to sample anything to see whether it has gone bad.”

88. “I promise to cherish you as much as coffee does. That’s a bunch of nonsense. Coffee is in a dead heat with you.”

Funny wedding vows post

89. “I promise that I will open jars for you and pretend that you loosened it yourself.”

90. “I vow to wear this ring as a symbol of our love and that I will certainly lose weight while working out.”

91. “I promise to remind you that you struck gold when you met me at every opportunity.”

92. “I solemnly swear that I will never steal your covers, even if you are hogging them.”

93. “I promise to be an affectionate and dependable partner to you in all that we share – And be patient, astonishingly patient.”

94. “I swear to take your hand when it’s too dark, and I’ll let the dog out when it’s too early.”

95. “I vow that for as long as we both shall live, I will guard you against spiders.”

96. “Even if it wasn’t me who put the remote control so far away, I promise I’ll get up and go retrieve it from wherever it is in the room, even if it’s across the room.”

97. “I vow that I won’t drink any of your drinks, even if I’m parched and one of them is literally right in front of me.”

98. “I vow that I will always give you the last blueberry pancake.”

99. “I promise to be there when you begin actual marathons and when you stop watching Netflix all night long.”

100. “I promise that I will prepare you a bacon sandwich. You can always count on me whenever you wake up with a hangover.”

101. “I vow that no matter how badly I want to, I will never watch the next episode of that Netflix show without you. Never.”

102. “I promise that I will clean up after supper when you cook it.”

103. “I pledge to let you know when you’re making a little error in judgment on fashion.”


104. “I promise to put up with your favorite TV series if you put up with mine…and yes, this does include Love Island.”

105. “I promise that I will not spend all of our life savings during the winter sales.”

106. “Even though I’m more terrified of spiders than you are, I swear to you that I’ll always get rid of them.”

107. “I promise to console you in the event that your football team suffers another defeat.”

108. “I promise to take the rubbish out… periodically.”

109. “I promise not to strike you too hard when you’re snoring in the middle of the night.”

110. “I pledge to buy you your favorite chocolate when you’re feeling down, even if it takes two trips to the grocery.”

111. “I promise that I will never fail to notice when you get a new haircut.”

112. “I promise to notice your new look each time you’ll try one.”

113. “I vow that I will only upload the best images of us on Instagram.”

114. “Even when I’m right, I swear I’ll let you win the occasional disagreement, I promise.”

115. “I pledge never to take my anger out on you.”

116. “I promise that even though I will be shivering uncontrollably, I will open the bedroom window if you are too hot.”

117. “I promise that I will take your side when our children eventually attempt to gang up on us.”

118. “I vow to find a nice way to tell our guests that we prefer cash than homeware.”

119. “I promise that I will always explain to you in a calm manner that you are not allowing a sufficient amount of stopping distance between our automobile and the one in front of it.”

120. “I swear that when I say I’ll do something, including the dishes, I will actually do it.”

121. “I vow to believe you when you choose to ignore the red light since you are familiar with a quicker route.”

Wrapping it up…

So, these are our 120+ funny wedding vows for you. You can incorporate these hilarious wedding vows into your wedding and make your wedding celebration a great one!

Besides these you can even add funny vows on your own. All you have to do is to use your creativity and create your own funny vows for your wedding

Happy Wedding… ☺ ☺