Marriage is not just the union of two people; in fact, it is the union of two families. When two people tie the knot, they become part of each other’s family.
However, the majority of us find it difficult to get along with our spouse’s family members. Ignoring your in-laws may seem like the most convenient method to manage your relationships with your new family, but in reality, this is not the best approach to do it. Instead of ignoring something, it is considerably preferable and more sustainable to try to understand it.
So, if you’re looking for ways to build a relationship with your in-laws, then certainly you’re reading the right article.
In this post, we will discuss the 20+ great tips for building a relationship with your in-laws.
First things first, treat your new family as your own family because you’re going to spend most of your life with them. Understand that your partner was raised in this family and that they put their family above all else. If you keep that in mind, everything will become much easier to handle, and the flow of everything will be unimpeded.
Think of them as members of your family rather than as rivals. A lot of people make the mistake of viewing their in-laws as adversaries who are continuously making demands on them, and as a result, their relationships with their in-laws suffer. There is no point seeing your new family or in-laws as some outsider.
2. Understand Their Perspective
Understand that each person has a different outlook and perspective in life. And this applies to all, including your family. So, if you enter into a debate with someone, make an effort to view the situation from their point of view as well. Treat them as if they were a member of your family, and give them the benefit of the doubt.
When you look at things from their perspective, you might be able to comprehend the situation without causing any chaos.
3. Put Aside Your Ego
The ever-destructive influence of ego causes the majority of relationship problems. Maintain your modesty, and do your best to steer clear of any potential conflicts. It’s very simple – just try to fill any voids that exist with love and prevent ego from entering at any point in time.
4. Avoid Comparisons
Try not to draw comparisons between your own family and that of your spouse. Your expectations of each other will always be different from those that were instilled in you by your own family of origin because every family dynamic is unique. If you can learn to accept this instead of fighting it, it will be beneficial to your relationship.
People are unique in their own ways. Your parents and your in-laws will change profoundly as a result of this. When you compare them, you will find that the situation is even worse. Therefore, you should show them love and affection and accept them as they are.
5. Try To Make Connect With In-Laws
Building a relationship with in-laws is not a task of a day or two; it takes time to build a strong relationship with them. The only way to build a new connection is to make an attempt to get to know one another.
Put in extra effort to get along with the most senior members of the household, followed by the siblings of your partner, their partners, and any children that they may have.
When we don’t have enough information about someone, our natural tendency is to dislike or ignore them, which is not wise at all.
If you don’t remember all of the names and different relationships in the family, ask your significant other to assist you in creating a family tree and learning it by heart. It will help you know each family member and they will also appreciate your effort in this manner.
Whether you believe it or not, a simple SMILE can change the whole equation for you. The first step toward many wonderful things, including healthy relationships, is just putting on a happy face. Remember to flash an authentic smile at your in-laws every time you see them. They will appreciate it.
7. Get the Conversation Started.
Since you are the new person in the group, it is up to you to initiate the conversation. They might be looking at you to take the initiative here.
Maintain a mindset that is open to receiving any form of reaction or reply. You shouldn’t be surprised if people give you short responses. Keep in mind that you are doing this for the most important person in your life.
8. Never Boast Your Family
You should never boast about your family members or relatives. You can talk about your parents or other members of your birth family, but you should never boast or exaggerate about the things that you had growing up. This may prompt your in-laws to become irritated or make critical comments.
9. Maintain Healthy Boundaries
However, one fundamental concept on which the vast majority of married couples may find common ground is the notion that healthy boundaries are essential for maintaining positive relationships with in-laws.
This may be of even more significance to women than it is to males and in ways that you would not necessarily anticipate.
An intriguing study indicated that men who reported a close relationship with their in-laws had a lower likelihood of getting a divorce by twenty percent, whereas women who reported a close relationship with their in-laws had a higher likelihood of getting a divorce by twenty percent.
It is because when women become close to their husbands’ parents or other relatives, the lines between personal and professional relationships can become blurred.
They may experience a heightened sense of vulnerability in the face of criticism or ill advice from in-laws, who may also be inadvertently intruding upon the relationship.
On the other hand, men may be less vulnerable to all of this. It’s possible that women, in general, are more prone to be affected by the stress of in-laws than males.
Exhibit respect at all times, whether when you are talking, eating, or even just sitting still in front of them. Respect might help you develop a strong relationship with your in-laws. This is due to the fact that older people closely examine how their son or daughter-in-law treats them.
If you do not treat them with respect, they will never attempt to form a relationship with you. They will always harbor ill feelings for you.
Additionally, no man or woman will ever want his or her parents or family members to be treated with disrespect. Your relationship with your spouse will ultimately suffer if you treat your in-laws with disrespect.
11. Always Be There To Volunteer For Jobs
You may offer to lend a hand in the kitchen or with the laundry, look for opportunities to buy items, or mend something that’s broken around the house. It is a nice gesture to offer, and it will show them how much you are trying to be involved in whatever it is that they do. In addition, it will help you reveal your hidden talents.
12. Talk It Out
The way in which we react to conflicts with our spouse’s family frequently has a lot to do with “the previous history.”
For instance, a woman may feel the need to protect her mother because of the tight bond the two of them share following an early divorce, while a husband may feel uneasy around his father-in-law due to the fact that his own father was frequently critical of him.
Interactions with in-laws can be influenced by a variety of factors, including cultures and origins. Couples need to communicate openly with one another about all of this so that they can gain an understanding of the reasons behind the events that take place. This will assist in reducing the likelihood of overreacting emotionally or becoming mired in a bad rut.
13. Watch Out For Opposition Thoughts & Comments
It is possible that you will feel an overwhelming urge to rant about your father-in-law’s driving or your mother-in-law’s, particularly if your partner occasionally makes comments that are analogous to these issues.
In spite of this, if you feel the need to vent your irritation, it is highly recommended that you do so with a trusted friend.
In the event that there is a genuine issue that needs to be resolved, it is important to communicate and find solutions in a constructive and non-defensive manner. You should avoid criticism, scorn, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
14. Never Make Situations Awkward For Anyone
Realize that they have loved your spouse for a far longer period of time than you have. Never put them in a situation in which they have to defend their child since this can be quite stressful for them. Honor them for the way they have helped and encouraged your spouse in the past.
15. Learn To Control Your Reactions
At some point in our lives, the majority of us will likely receive guidance or opinions from a parent-in-law that are completely inapplicable to us.
It is a good idea to practice a reaction that is devoid of emotion so that it may be “drawn out” in these kinds of situations rather than reacting emotionally. You don’t need to be rude or react compulsively to avoid the situation. Instead, you may try saying something like, “I’ll think about it.”
If the in-law is persistent, you can try ending the conversation in a courteous manner by saying something like, “Thanks, but this seems to be working for now,” or something else along those lines.
16. Seek Their Guidance
Seeking your elder’s guidance can help you in myriads of ways. Treat your in-laws the same way you treat your own parents when it comes to take any guidance. By doing so, you will demonstrate to them how much you regard and appreciate their judgment and perspective.
This will give them the strong impression that you value what they say, and there is nothing more reassuring for in-laws than the knowledge that their daughter-in-law/son-in-law truly wants to know their opinion on important matters.
17. Remember Important Dates
Don’t forget important dates like anniversaries and birthdays. Make use of an organizer so that you can keep track of all of them.
If you have children, it is important to keep them informed about the most recent achievements and to make every effort to meet up with them as frequently as possible if they are interested.
Also, watch your children and how they behave with your in-laws. If you see any disrespectful behavior warn them there and then so that they know that elders are an important part of any family setting.
18. Avoid Drawing Separate Lines.
There should never be a distinction made between “YOUR family” and “MY family.” The day you are married to your spouse, his family and your family become one. It becomes OUR family.
Be kind to and respectful of one another’s parents so that your own parents will be able to feel the same way about you.
Spend time with each other’s families, show each other affection, and do everything you can to be there for each other’s families.
19 Never Speak Bad About Your Spouse
No matter how relaxed you may feel about sharing things with your in-laws, you must never, under any circumstances, criticize their son/daughter or make any negative comments about him/her.
When everything is said and done, they are his/her parents, and if you ever speak poorly of your spouse, the only response you will receive from them is their protective parental instincts.
Compliments are always appreciated by in-laws, especially mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law. They never get tired of hearing them. Tell them how wonderful they are doing, whether it be organizing something, driving, or cooking. You can demonstrate your sincerity to the listener by saying these things with a friendly smile on your face.
So, here we conclude our list of top 20 tips for building a relationship with your in-laws. Aside from these, here are some BONUS TIPS for you:
BONUS TIP .1: Stay In Touch With Your In-Laws
No matter how busy you are, always try to stay in touch with your in-laws. Send them a text message or give them a call every once in a while if you are not living with your in-laws. They would feel quite moved by it, and it would be a big assist in bringing you closer together in your brand new relationship. Give them the impression that you are taking their concerns into account.
BONUS TIP .2: Give Them Gifts
Bringing gifts with you to a function, dinner, or even just a casual visit is something that will never, ever go waste. Make sure to invest in thoughtful gift items – The more thoughtful and unique the present, the higher its perceived value.
Even if you really can’t stand your in-laws, that is no reason for you to behave in a hostile or displeasing manner toward them in any way. The best is to get along with them so that you can have a peaceful time whenever you’re with them.
BONUS TIP .4: Be Confident
Last but not least, be confident and be who you are. If you can convince them that you can maintain your integrity and are pleased with who you are, your in-laws will have more faith in you.
Wrapping up…
So, these are the 20+ great tips for building a relationship with your in-laws. Follow these tips and have a long lasting relationship with your new family members.
Remember that you will only be able to form a strong family if you don’t establish solid relationships with your in-laws now. Respect and love are the primary components of a harmonious family. If you do not respect your in-laws now, you cannot expect respect in the future from your children’s spouse.
