Is it for the first time, you as a groom, are visiting your in-laws place. Well, it doesn’t matter whether you are meeting them for the first time or have already met them. The idea is to make a first good impression. If you are lucky to have great in laws, then nothing can be better than this. But still people especially grooms find it a little daunting to meet their in-laws for the first time. Remember, your actions will only reflect the type of person you are. Also, it will help them set the foundation of your relationship with them in the future. Politeness is the most important factor while meeting in laws for the first time and you should go out of your way to show you are interested in and respect them.
Well, if you are also visiting your in-laws place and feel scared then this article is meant for you. Here’re best tips for all the grooms to-be to navigate those first delicate in-law encounters:
1. Dress yourself well
Yeah, it is crucial for making a very good first impression, dress well. Whether you agree or not, the way you look is a big and the most important part of a first impression. Wear something which makes your personality presentable without making you look overdressed. Of course, make sure you are not slumming in sweats when you meet your in laws. Also, at the same time, you have to see that you are not wearing a cocktail dress or tuxedo when everyone else there is going to be in sundresses or polos!
And the most important point is – your clothes are clean, presentable, comfortable, and not stinking. Moreover, for a casual or semi-casual occasion, you can wear a nice button-down shirt or polo with khakis, or an attire, which makes you look great. Whereas in winters, you can wear a nice sweater along with a pair of jeans.
2. A small gift can do wonders
Yes, whether you agree or not but a small gift can do wonders and can help you create a strong bond with your in-laws. It is not like they want your gift, but it is simply considered polite and show them that you care. When you visit their place take a small gift along. Especially when your in laws have invited you over, it’s often considered polite to bring a bottle of wine, or a drink, or a small gift with you. Or you can ask your partner about their preferences and expectations in advance. Because in some cultures it is considered quite offensive to bring something when invited at home. While in some culture it is considered important in some culture. Also, while buying a bottle of wine or any other drink for them check in advance whether they drink or not, otherwise you may get into a trouble unnecessarily. You can consider gifting chocolates, sweets, or some flowers.
It is a nice and decent way to connect with your in-laws!! Give them a thoughtful present!
3. Meet them with smile
Yes, very important it is! When you visit your in-laws make sure you carry your smile. It is crucial when you meet your in-laws you meet them with a nice smile. Your smile can do wonders!
4. Treat them with respect
Respect is important, and yeah, respect has nothing to do with the age and gender. Give respect to people irrespective of their age and gender. And when you meet your in-laws it is important. Even if you have any grudges from some past event, do not carry those grudges along. Now you are engaged to their daughter and you should think of starting afresh.
5. Be polite to your in-laws and other family members
Be polite to your in-laws, especially when you are in public. Your in laws will pay attention to everything like how you treat them, your partner, and others around, so treat everyone with respect and politeness! For instance, if you don’t like something you don’t need to criticize the food abruptly. Or if you are eating in some restaurant don’t be rude to the waiters, attenders etc.
6. Compliment them
There is no harm in fluttering a little especially when it is about your in-laws. You can always compliment them and their stuff. You can always compliment them by saying something like; “Your house is really very beautiful!” or “I love your aquarium – it’s beautiful.” Giving compliments to your in-laws for their stuff will help you show them that you’re interested, want to build a good relation with them, and are a wonderful person to be around.
7. Initiate conversation with a positive note
Make sure you start conversation with a positive note that show you’re interested. For that you can even work with your partner or do a little research in advance. Ask your partner about your in-laws’ interest, and make sure you ask them about that. You can initiate the talk by asking them of their hobbies, about their home, or about family members. It will simply show that you care for them and will help you build a nice bond with them. Or you can initiate the conversation by a simple comment like “Your polo is cool, where from you bought it?” this will show your interest.
8. Treat your fiance with respect in front of them
You two may have been great friends for long, but no parents doesn’t matter even if its bride’s parents will like you are insulting, or disrespectful to their daughter in front of them. Howsoever your chemistry is, your in-laws may not be able to understand it. So, it’s better you treat their daughter with respect when you are there in front of them. Your in-laws will always want to know that you are treating their daughter well. Be very kind and loving to your partner, and let your in-laws know that you two have a good relationship
9. Have one-on-one conversation
It is again crucial that you have a one-on-one conversation with them. And when you’re at a big family gathering or in some group event, try to get a moment to communicate alone with your in laws. This may not be a long conversation, but still it will help you show you feel comfortable around them. Also, don’t miss to thank them for inviting you at the event, and tell them you are looking forward to spend more time together. You can always conclude your visit at some such event at your in-laws place by saying something like “I just wanted to thank you for inviting me on your wedding anniversary. I really had a wonderful time with all! How about having a get together again next weekend, as my parents are also visiting me? We could possibly spend some quality time and discuss about wedding too.”
10. Participate in conversation
When you are at your in-laws place or in a group event at their place, make sure you participate in the conversation, instead of spending time either alone or only with your fiance. Let your in-laws feel that you care for them too and are there to meet them. They will feel happy and will like it, if you will participate in conversation with them.
11. Don’t raise any controversial subject
Make sure you don’t raise any controversial subject in front of them. The subject or topics you choose to talk should be casual and normal. Like, how do you maintain such a wonderful physique at this age? I would love to know, or you have maintained your house really well etc. Anything which is casual can be taken up.
12. Taste everything that is been served
Try every food item which is been served, even if you don’t think you’ll like it. If your in laws have invited you over lunch or dinner or maybe out to eat. By trying the food items served will simply show you respect them and appreciate the invitation. Even if you don’t like mushrooms personally, not because of any allergy just like that, then also you should try the food. However, you can politely let your in-laws know if there is some religious, health, ethical, or other serious reasons for not eating some food item.
And yeah, don’t miss to appreciate your in laws for the delicious food, it will also help you make a good impression.Remember, it is your first visit to their place and they should feel good in your company. Do not throw any tantrum in front of them. Be polite and well mannered.
13. Don’t be rude to your partner
Well, you may be having some issues in between, but still you need to avoid fighting with, nagging, or putting down your partner especially when you’re around your in laws. You can always work out your issues later when you two are alone.
14. Don’t stress yourself too much
It is normal if you are scared being at your in-laws place, but you don’t need to worry or stress out too much about it. Just try to become friendly to your in-laws, and develop a congenial relationship with them.
15. Take interest in their hobbies
You and your in-laws may have different hobbies, but there is no problem to take interest in your in-laws hobbies for some time especially when you are at their place. It will help you build strong connect with them. Sometimes people miss to make a good connection because they ignore small things. Remember, small things matters the most.
16. Speak courteously to their servants
Treating their servants courteously will help you build strong relationship with them. Hence, it is crucial that you treat their servants also kindly. Politeness and good manners go a long way, and everything matters. It will leave a good impression on them, and they will understand that you are going to be a nice and kind son-in-law.
17. Give suggestions and not decisions
There is a likelihood that the topic of wedding and wedding preparations come up. Be sure that you give your suggestions and not force your advice. It’s always good to put forward your suggestions and opinions, but one should always avoid to force decisions.
18. Respect their suggestions and opinions
Presumably, during the discourse your in-laws may give some suggestions and opinions for your wedding, respect their suggestions. Just be part of their suggestions, listen to their suggestions and opinions carefully, it should show that you are interested. Whether you take their every advice or not, but showing them you are interested in your in-laws’ point of view will help you have a better connect lifelong.
19. Go easy on the booze and smoking
Getting too drunk in your first meeting with them will be a worst idea. So, it is crucial that you go easy on the booze. Your fiance may know about your drinking habit, but not necessary that your in-laws will like it especially when you are meeting for the first time. Also, if you are into smoking, make sure you avoid smoking in front of your in-laws. More often than not, in-laws are little peculiar about such habits. So mind your habits while you are at their place.
20. Mind your table manners
Table manners may not look a big deal to many, but most often people notice these small details about the person. Hence, it is crucial you maintain them when you are there at the table eating with your in-laws.
21. Don’t take light jokes or personal comments otherwise or personally
During the discourse, you may have to encounter some personal comments or jokes from your in-laws. But make sure you don’t take those personal comments personally. In fact, try to take them lightly, understand that they are on as edge as you are, and possible they are just trying to be jolly and funny with you.
22. Ask for their advice
In-laws, be it groom’s or bride’s, they all want to be valued in their lives. One of the best ways to show that you care for them and that they matter to you and your partner is to ask for their thoughts and advice. You can always try asking them for advice on big things, such as “We would love to have your suggestions on our wedding reception.” Or maybe you can say, “It would be great if you could take time to visit our new house, before we finalize it.” Likewise, you can ask for their advises on small or big things, whatever you feel comfortable asking.
23. Don’t ask to borrow anything
It is crucial that you don’t ask to borrow anything, especially money. It doesn’t matter how close you and your partner are, it is always good to maintain a decent relationship with your partner’s family. Matters related to money should never come in between. In fact, you and your family also should avoid asking for dowry or anything which can be an offensive or uncomfortable matter for your in-laws and your partner.
24. Invite your in-laws to visit your place
While you plan to leave their place or conclude your visit there, make sure you invite them to your place too. It is a nice gesture to show that you are grateful for the invitation and the same time to convey them that you want them to visit your place too. Tell them that you would want to spend quality time together. You may event ask them for a vacation, it will be a good bonding experience, however. They will feel glad, if you do so!!
25. Let them know how nice it was to meet them
When you meet them at their place make sure you thank them for extending an invitation of meeting to you. Being grateful for small little things can be life changing for everyone anytime.Make sure you take a moment before leaving to tell them you had a great time and that you hope to see them again soon.
I hope this article is helpful to you, and now you know how to take things forward with your in-laws. Remember, there is no second chance for the first impression. Hence, it is crucial that you leave positive impact on your in-laws in your first meeting, and have a great and wonderful connect with them. So, play your cards right and build your relationship strong!!
You can also read more on Tips for Brides to be: First visit at In-Laws place here.