Well, your wedding is a proud moment for your parents, that’s there of course. Every parent feel good about their kids’ weddings. But there are couples who have to plan their weddings even without their parents. There could be any reason for not having a parent, may be; you don’t have a parent to dance with at your wedding, or because your parents have hurt you, or your parents might have rejected you, or your parents might have passed away, and you miss them terribly, or your parents are not part of your life anymore, or maybe you have abandoned them, because they were abusive or whatever.
However, the mainstream wedding industry believes parental involvement is a must, but not having a parent is not an issue today, it is in fact more common. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people without parents. Of course, planning a wedding when your parents are not there can be tough! But no worries… Your wedding is a special event of your life and you should do things to make it more special rather to feel bad about who are not there.
So, if you’re also facing some such situation, or struggling with the lack of your parents during your wedding planning journey, here are best 14 tips to plan a wedding when your parents are not there:
Here we go…
#1. Know that your wedding is about you TWO
Believe it or not, it is always important to not forget that your special event is about two of you. Yeah, your wedding is an event between you and your partner, never forget this. Although, it may sound simple to you, but embracing your wedding and knowing that you two are the most important part of your wedding for a healthy wedding planning journey and a happy married life. Of course, before anything you need your partner’s love. And that’s crucial!!
#2. Chuck the tradition out that don’t work for you
Traditions and customs are major parts of any wedding, it is believed in many cultures, be it Asian or American. For instance, in India there are so many rituals in wedding, Indian weddings are actually known for their rituals and customs such as Haldi ceremony, ladies sangeet, and many other small celebrations keeps going in a wedding in India. Likewise, Americans and other cultures do have their own traditions. Actually, anything can be made a tradition because people love to have too many traditions. But it’s not necessary for you to follow all the traditions! Although it is said that weddings in themselves are a tradition, still you have the leverage to skip what everyone else is doing. In fact, make your own traditions at your wedding day and celebrate it the way you have always dreamt of.
For instance, instead of a parent dance, you can do a ladies’ dance and invite all the ladies to dance. Or you can plan a poem reading instead of dances, and invite people from your community who you think can participate.
#3. Accept the reality and embrace your life
Even if your parents are not there in your life, accept the reality. There is no point feeling bad about something that has been there for so many years or for a longer period now. Just acknowledge the presence of other people in your life, especially the ones who have empowered you and supported you all your life. However, wedding planning journey can be a painful time when in the absence of parents or family, but life has its own unique way to unfold itself to us, and that’s the reason we have our extended families who we call our friends.
Though, you always have a choice of looking at a cup half empty, but if you start seeing it as half full, you will always be happy. Invite your close friends to become part of your wedding planning journey. Enjoy traditions with them, partying with them, spend time with them, the options are endless. And the best thing is, your friends know you, they love you, and they want to be there by your side while you try on dresses or do other wedding related things!
So, you don’t need to feel isolated, there is always a way out!!
#4. Set your wedding budget and stick to it
Whether yours is a wedding in your hometown or in some other location i.e., a destination wedding, the first and foremost thing you need to do while planning your wedding is – set a budget for your wedding and stick to your budget, especially when you have to cover all the wedding cost.
#5. Cut cost in unnecessary things
Your wedding is a once in a lifetime event, yeah… that’s absolutely okay. But even for that reason, you don’t need to spend lavishly. You need to understand that you have to take care of the expenses, and there is no point to live on loans after wedding. The best would be to buy only what is needed. Of course, when parents are there they tell you these things. But, when you’re doing it single handedly you have to take care of small little things. Better is to make a list of items which you necessarily require for your wedding and cut-cost in buying not so necessary items. And this way you will be able to save a great deal also.
#6. Do mindful research
While planning for your wedding in the absence of parents may seem tough, but you can’t escape the truth. You have to do it! Yes, remind yourself that you can do it, no matter what. So, make sure you do a mindful research. Your wedding be it in your hometown or in some other location needs a lot of research, MINDFUL RESEARCH. You need to research at least three to five wedding vendors and the same number of venues for your wedding. Detailed research from every aspect needs to be done while planning your wedding. All this needs your time and effort to go ahead. You along with your spouse can research about all the aspects and plan your wedding accordingly
#7. Ask the ladies’ auxiliary for help
No worries, if parents are not there. If you’re getting married in your own church then you can ask the ladies’ auxiliary for help. Most churches have a women’s organization, which can help you with wedding preparation in exchange for a small donation. You can get them involved, like this you can get a lot of worry off your shoulders for a relatively low price.
#8. Planning early is a key
Doing things alone, and taking of all the wedding related expenses may seem a bit tough. But you can plan your wedding on a budget. And for that you need to plan early. Believe it or not, planning early is a key, it is very important. So many deals keeps on coming your way when you plan early for your wedding. You have multiple options to scour and go for the best. Even you can get the best deals on wedding outfit or wedding venue. Be an early bird and get the best deals!!
#9. Go for SMART shopping
Wedding demands lots of shopping, make a list of what to purchase beforehand and then go for shopping. It will help you make smart decisions even without having anybody by your side while wedding planning journey. Make it a point that you buy only what is most essential. Initially everything while shopping seems important but it is not necessary that what all you buy for the sake of your wedding is important. Buy wisely, you will save much more than you thought.
#10. Keep the big day small
Indeed it’s your big day, but if you think that it would be difficult for you to host a big fat wedding alone. Keep it small and intimate. Keeping the whole thing small will not only allow you celebrate your big day in an organized manner, but also it will allow you to save a lot. Many wedding venues provide you variety of flexible packages if you have a list of only few guests say 30 – 40 people at the most. All your expenses like food, accommodation, music etc. can be covered in the most affordable manner. Have an intimate wedding with only close friends and people in attendance, and enjoy your big day in a small and intimate way!!
#11. Choose your wedding vendors wisely
Believe it or not, wedding industry is a huge industry and to find the right vendor amidst so many is a task. You may find some vendors who would expect your parents to be present at every meeting, and some may want you to leave your parents at home. In other words, there are so many vendors with different conditions altogether, so make sure you pick the right ones.
For instance, while looking at a photographer’s portfolio, see what percentage of images depict families in his/her portfolio. If you see a large number of pictures with families or family portraits, it could mean that families are important for that photographer, and having him/her to document your wedding through their lens is not wise. Because, a family-oriented photographer might approach your wedding from that perspective only. So, it’s wise to ask about that in your initial meeting with a photographer.
Find vendors carefully, especially the ones that resonate with you. When reaching out to vendors for the first time – be honest about what is important to you, take all the information, pay attention to their contact form, and what sort of assumptions they are making, If assumptions they make are about family (or gender, or anything else) and you’re not comfortable, then it’s clear that vendor is not a good fit for you. Sign the contract only when you are satisfied.
#12. Less is always more
Of course, when you have to handle things alone, the last thing that you would ever want for yourself is any stress later. So, it’s good to be pragmatic and thoughtful about the number of wedding guests in the first place. Though, cutting on guests is not a nice idea, but the fact remains you can avoid the number as well. You cannot of course go beyond your limits, or venue size and your wedding budget. Remember, each guest will cost you, and that cost will be borne by you only.
They will add to the number of plates your caterer will prepare, chair rentals, favors, and not to mention the size of the wedding cake. Keep your number on the conservative side, there is no point having guests more than size of your wedding just for the sake of having people at the wedding to accompany you and regretting later. Instead, less is always more!!
#13. Find an alternative
Well, if you are a person who want things simple and at a very basic level, then the alternative can be to just elope. Earlier, eloping was considered as an act of rebellion because couples used to run away to a courthouse to sign a marriage license, which was considered disrespectful back then. But today, elopements are not that. Today, it simply means to get hitched in your own ways. For instance, getting hitched while climbing a park trail in a wedding dress, or saying “I do” amidst crystal clear water and sparkling sand, or in the forest with the music of nature, dancing around a campfire, or going for a camping with few of your favorite people and celebrate your big day there. Options are endless!!
And believe you me, elopement is an amazing option especially for people who want to enjoy the moment of the “I do” without family’s expectations, or the ones who are not into the traditional parameters of weddings, or those who find wedding planning at larger scale a painful and stressful task. Well, whatever be the reason, but elopement is the best option today. The best thing about elopement is – you have a complete control over what is happening, and who is involved in your celebration. So it is the best way to create room for your own feelings and needs on your big day!
#14. Enjoy your day to the fullest
This may seem obvious, but the truth is many couples end up stressed at their weddings. See, I tell you there is nothing too much at any wedding. Even if you plan a great wedding still there would be something that will not be enough, be it champagne at the wedding or wedding cake itself. So practically there is no end to a wedding planning journey or preparations. You will always find something is less or missing. But believe you me, it doesn’t matter much. What matters the most is you TWO, the love between you and your partner, the bond that you two share and rest everything is okay…..
So, you need not to pressurize yourself or stress yourself out for something that got missing or couldn’t happen, or venue décor is not exactly the way it should be, or overthinking about something that your mom-in-law to-be said while planning the wedding. Remember, your wedding is a once in a lifetime event, do what all you can do to make it a great event, but do not stress yourself out in the process. Sometimes things happen your way and sometimes they don’t, it’s okay whether your way or not your way!! Acceptance is a key to a great and successful wedding and wonderful life. So enjoy every bit of it, whether with or without parents!
AND FINALLY…
Planning a wedding without a parent is emotionally painful and we understand, for whatever reason your parents are not standing by your side at your wedding, always remember that you are not what happened to you. You are also not what others think of you. And you are not what someone made you feel like. You are who you really are – believe in yourself and know that nothing in this world is impossible, and so is your wedding without your parents.
